My 11 month old Baby

Earlier I used to write about my daughter’s monthly progress. Recently I have noticed that I have stopped that either because she is growing up very fast and her progress in so overwhelming that I do not know from where to start, what to write and what not to write . Her every single activity makes me astonished and leaves me mesmerized.

In short, I am trying to put down her progress.

She is very active and full of energy. She is always in a blur of movement. One moment she wants to sit with us and the next moment she wants to play on the floor. Recently she has learnt to smile a lot and would always keep dazzling every one with her cute smile. The other week we went to the doctor’s office and for the first time she responded to the doctor’s hello. She smiled back and made me extremely happy. Her curiosity has no end at all. She wants to touch anything and every thing.

These days like a mouth purifier she always has to have some thing in her mouth. I keep giving her pieces of apple to chew upon, so that her mouth would not be empty. If any time it is empty, she picks up any thing (most of the time dirty things) and starts chewing. Out of habit, I keep asking her all the time to open her mouth so that I can check if she is eating anything dirty. She has found out that trick and every now and then, she will come to me and even without asking she will open her tiny mouth saying “AHH-AHH”. However if she is chewing unwanted thing she will make me run around her and hide from me and wont open her mouth easily. I cannot describe that fight between daughter and mother; you will have to see it to believe it.

Her vocabulary is increasing every day.It has around 10 -20 words. Like mama,dada, tadan,kagan atta-ta, baka-baka,aga-aga etc-etc. Some times she want me to hold her and if I am in the middle of some thing I keep consoling her saying “I am done” and that I will soon come and pick her up .So she also says “I ang done” of course with lots of drag. Whenever we go to a store, she starts babbling and my husband is totally against shutting her up. So if she is with her daddy and I am in a far away aisle it is never difficult for me to find them, I just have to follow her “ tadan-tadan”.God know what that means. We are yet to decipher “tadan-tadan” and all the words she speaks.

Today I was getting bored so I thought we would play hide-and-seek. I asked her to hide at the corner of the table and I pretended to seek her. Now teaching her this game has become a big headache for me. Since then she wants to hide all the time near that corner and wants me to seek her. Whenever she is not around me for some time, I immediately realize that she must be hiding there and not to my surprise, she will be there. So now, baby has learnt how to play hide-and-seek (yay!!!)

She can now point out some of her body parts like head,tummy,hand,nose .She can clap her hands, pat her head ,rub her tummy and tap her knees when asked .I am so proud of her. Babies at this age just begin to point out things but this baby is one step ahead.

She rotates her wrist to say “ta-ta” to her daddy. In fact as soon as I will take her out of the door she starts rotating her wrist to say ta-ta.So I am not sure if she is connecting departure with “ta-ta” or she is just being a parrot. When I ask her to call daddy she takes her hand to her ears and pretend as if she is saying hello and calling daddy. She looks adorable at that time.

She points out where milk comes from and that always breaks me into a big laughter. At night when she gets hungry, she just screams, lifts my shirt until I feed her. Later she buries her head in my shoulder and then calms down.

I am writing this specially because when, a few years down the line, she will be ashamed to be seen with me in public, I can read this and comfort myself with the memory that there were such times too!

When did you feel more freedom?

A person like me will always have a very hard time to live the life without feeling restricted. Some times, it is better to open up, put your heart on the table, and put your priorities first. The outcome may not be pleasant all the time but at least you will not loose your identity as an independent person. However, independence depends on several other factors like financial freedom, your confidence level, the responsibilities you have and most importantly how you choose to pursue those responsibilities.

When I was in college, I would hear from people that women are never self-dependent and at that time, it did not make any sense to me. I always thought that after finishing college I will have an independent life of my own in which I will do whatever I want. I was always very confident to get a decent job, have financial freedom and live my life .Unfortunately that did not happen. As soon as I got married, things just changed. I left India and that changed almost every thing. Firstly, the legalities did not let me work and then along with that I developed so low confidence inside me that now I think I am capable of nothing. People will say that I am just making excuses not to work hard enough and indulging myself in self-pity but in my heart, I know that is not true.

Simple things make me feel that I am just not fit for any thing. For example, the thought has been injected inside me so many times that I cannot even learn how to drive a car that now I am scared to death to even touch the steering wheel of the car. In the U.S. if you cant drive a car ,specially in a city like I live in, half of the freedom is gone just there .Since you cant go any where ,unless public transportation is good, your desires and demands are all suppressed. If you do not have some self-respect and if you do not mind bugging people it is fine.

Diminishing confidence depends on how much faith your loved ones have in you.Some things are not spoken or said ,they are just understood. If you feel that people think you are stupid, it is natural to develop low confidence and that takes away all the freedom from your life in one way or the other. Just the thought of being worthless ruins the whole life on the other hand just the thought of being worth full brings glimmer of hope and happiness in life

Life Security!

People want to get a job to achieve financial independence and at the same time also security for the future.People should think more about the future than the current age as according to me old age is more important and miserable in several respect.People need more help and that requires more money.When you are young body can take all kinds of hardship,but as body ages it needs more pampering.

Therefore one of the important economical planing should be to calculate enough saving to live a carefree life once you retire.This is a safe strategy to keep in mind.The maximum age at which you retire is 65 and most likely your life expectancy will be 80-85 considering the fact that you live in the U.S and have better medical care .

All the above is right.However you cant get a sleepless night just because you think that you have saved enough money to live carefree after retirement.The value of money is going to keep decreasing day by day.The very well known fact of "Inflation" is mind wrenching.The amount of money which you think will be enough after your retirement now wont be enough 20 years from now.Even if you buy the same things your estimated savings done at the age of 65 wont be enough at the age of 80 .With the increasing oil and food prices ,your estimated savings will just be blown away in few years.

Isn't this spooky.Life will already be hard because of aging and God forbid if you get any kind of major illness then all the saving for the retirement will be gone before we even relize.

Show the right direction Doctor!

I often listen to a talk radio program which is based on health and health problems.The host is a board certified chiropractor and also a nutritionist.Every morning starts at 8:00am for 4 hours.Since it is only on Saturday I listen to it very leisurely,listening along with finishing my morning chores.

First few times I listened to it because I thought it could be informative.Now I listen to it to make fun and just have some entertainment.What makes me laugh a lot is the way the doctor(the host) promotes the supplements and dietary formulas.Americans are already addicted to medicines and supplements and if they do follow this doctor's suggestions then people would become like a walking pharmacy.For every thing and any health problem this doctor asks to take some kind of vitamin supplement.For a change some times he also asks to eat certain vegetable but that is very rare.

His talk show makes me think that how perverted the medical profession has become where doctors are just to earn money by promoting the pharmaceutical companies and medical stores.It is a travesty and that should be stopped.He asks to take those vitamin supplements which you can get by eating the proper food source.Even a novice knows that under normal condition body can absorb vitamin and mineral from food sources better than supplements.

According to my mind he is making mockery of himself .I dont know how many people follow his suggestion but there are certainly people who are following his suggestion because he gets callers every once in a while.
Today he moved one step further,he was suggesting parents to give their kids a kind of daily supplement .According to him since kids do not like to eat vegetables ,so to provide them enough vitamin parents should give this supplement.That was too much for me to digest so I turned off the radio and looked at my daughter ,thinking what supplement should I start giving her !

My Choice!

Life is never what you have thought for your self.At least for me.In some sense it is better than what I thought and in some sense worse than I thought it would be.Most part of my life is very pedestrian.I have a fixed routine for every thing.Read the news papers,read books,learn new words etc-etc which at times becomes very pedantic .The only excitement in my life is my daughter.

I feel the ineffable joy and happiness when I see my daughter walking,making baby noises and roaming around the house .At the same time ,I also think about my parents especially my mother who must have done nothing less for me than what I am doing for my daughter right now .After becoming a mother myself ,I understand the emotions very well which was just hidden inside me for a long time.2-3 days back my mother was very ill,she was almost at the verge of crying when I talked to her.Even though she knew that I wont be able to do anything for her still she could not stop herself from telling me every thing.I felt helpless and the first thing came to my mind was that will my daughter also be in the same situation one day .I become very pensive when ever I think about my mother who loves me with all her heart.

I feel I have too much dependency, both emotional and financial .I have very few of my own likes and dislikes .I am enjoying all the colors of motherhood but I do not wish for this kind of life for my daughter.I want her to be independent both financially and most importantly emotionally.Caring for every one else is good but not at the cost of giving yourself pain and anguish and making just every one else happy.

There are several emotional,physical and mental requirements.There should be some kind of rule to prioritize them.Need to decide which emotions,you are going to let fall by the way side and which ones you are going to embrace.That way life will become easier and less painful.

Mental Anguish!

There was time when I was so much into genetic studies ,scientific researches and current news.It has always been very amazing to me as how genetics plays such a big role in peoples life and social well being.You are most of it what your parents and ancestors are , not only with respect to anatomical makeup but also from the physical appearance point of view.

Ironically few medical problems existed in my family too ,however not in any of my immediate family member . Fortunately so far I dont seem to have inherited any of them and am very thankful to God for that.My maternal grandfather had high blood pressure and my aunt has eczema.As I grew up I was very sure that at some point I will get eczema but thankfully it never bothered me so far.When my daughter was born she was as pure,smooth and creamy as butter.There was not a hint of flaw in her skin.After about one month she got few rashes and I thought it is just minor baby rash.I started keeping her cleaner than ever and that happened to aggravate her problem even more.Later it started getting worse and giving her too much trouble.Doctors say that she has baby eczema.My husband has very mild form of eczema. Apparently my daughter got double dose of eczema one from my family side and one from her father.

So far I have managed to control it by restricting diet and full bodied cloth.She is still breastfeeding so I dont know if she is allergic to some thing I eat because her menu has very few items and that too consists of no item which can be considered allergic.Now my menu has so wide selection of foods that I dont know to which food she is allergic to.

If you go to the doctors for skin problem they prescribe steroid based cream which will definitely cure the skin problem temporarily and cause several side effects.Therefore not a smart idea to follow.
This problem is causing me a lot of mental pain.This thought has occupied my brain so severely that when ever I sit on the net for any work ,after 10-20 minutes I find myself reading stories ,cures and causes of eczema.It is taking too much of my time giving no result so far.This is the most frustrating physical problem I have ever encountered in my life.Even though right now my daughter's problem is very minor and I am able to control it .But when I think about her future I get worried as she will have to through hardships.Doctors say that most of the time approaching age 2 ,babies outgrow this problem.Now that is my only hope .

I wish one day I will see her as clean and buttery as when she was born.

Memory refreshed!

People say that your likes and dislikes change with age and time. May be some of them are so close to your heart that they never change. One of the likes or you can say a dream of mine to carry my baby on my back never changed.

I know it sounds ridiculous but this is true. I remember when I was a teenager, a tribal woman used to come to our house to help my mother in household work. She had a daughter, which she would tie on her back and do all the work. She would come once in the morning and again in the evening. I would wait for her to come in the evening, so that I can play with her daughter and tie her on my back as her mother did. In the morning, I would easily miss the school and play with her. But I knew that is not going to happen so I never insisted.

In the evening, I would force that tribal woman to tie her daughter on my back the way she ties her daughter on her back. She would tie her daughter on my back with a long cloth. At that time there was no fancy sling like these days in the U.S to carry babies on the back. Even if it was, that tribal woman was so poor that she could not afford it. More over slings are not so popular in India, at least in the city where I lived.

It gave me so much pleasure. I would play around, look at myself in the mirror and feel as if I have grown up so much to carry a tini-tiny baby all by my self. The funniest part was that I would insist my mother to give me some household work to do, so that I can do that work while she was still tied on my back. I would act just as her mother did.

Now that I am a mother myself of a tini-tiny baby, the first thing I did after delivery is that search for a suitable sling to carry my daughter. I have seen many women in the U.S carrying babies in a sling but in the front or on the hip, which I never liked. I wanted some thing comfortable and less strenuous on my back. Moreover, the front sling is not good for the baby either as they baby keeps hanging. While in the back sling, the baby can sit comfortably. However, it is just my choice and may be others may not agree with me.

To my utter happiness, I found one on Amazon and I immediately ordered it. I have not tied my daughter yet as she cant hold her head yet. I have to wait for one more month and then I am ready to go anywhere I want with my hands free, work at home. I do not know how I will feel, but for sure, it will remind me of my several childhood memories of .

It was so much fun!

Looking at my daughter now, I remember my childhood, growing up in a small town. Things were so different than now. Now a days kids do not get out of their house to play. Firstly, they are too hung up with their studies, homework and other school activities and secondly even if they have time they would rather play video games, watch T.V, or play with other gadgets. There is no physical activity at all.

In the U.S, things are even worse. Here very rarely I see kids outside their houses. Some times, I wonder if kids live in the U.S. Nevertheless, I have decided that once when, my daughter grows up I will try to build a taste of physical activity and playing in her, if I can.

When I was growing up, we used to play so many outdoors games .Some were very strenuous and some of them were just leisurely but it had to be out side the home. There was one game called “haddi-dappa”.As the name (“haddi” means bones) is so was the game. You have to have a very strong bone to play. This game required at least 6 people to play. Starting with the lowest level, we had to increase the height to jump. Therefore, there were at least 8 to 9 levels of those heights. Two girls would hold a long rope at each end and thus keep increasing the height. After you are done with all the high jumps, you proceed with another level of the game, which was the most challenging part. Now the girls would increase the height with their hands, which sued to be very high. We had to jump over that hand without touching them. One round of game used to be for an hour just when the sun was about to set. Apparently, at the end of the game we would be extremely tired. We would feel that every joint in our bone got exercise and full of energy. Dinner after this game used to monstrous. No amount of food could satisfy our hunger and once in the bed to sleep nothing can wake us up until 6:00am in the morning.

Some times when I think back, I feel that life used to be so good, so full of energy and enthusiasm. I still yearn for those moments’ .No worries, no tensions. I wish my daughter also had that kind of life. May be even better. I wish her all the pleasures of the life. Who know what will happen later.

How it all happened!

The day I found out I was pregnant I took very good care of myself. I have always been very healthy and aware of all the do and don’ts during pregnancy. There was a time when I would think that while pregnant, a woman is supposed to lay on the bed all the time.Doing any work was far from my imagination. However when my own time came I realized that the theory was all rubbish unless of course in certain medical condition.

So long story short I kept exercising, eating what ever I wanted limiting some of the things that are prohibited during pregnancy. I was hyperactive active throughout the pregnancy. The day before Tutty-Fruty was born P(My husband) and I went for bowling.

When my bag of water broke in the midnight of 30^th November, went to the hospital with out any pain. I was started with gel. Unfortunately, I did not dilate as much as I was supposed to be and the doctor did not want to wait for long. Still I never in my dream thought that I would have to go under the knife. My doctor was a complete jerk and money minded. Even before few hours of starting of real labor, she started talking about C-Section, for which I kept strongly opposing. Later I do not know what the conspiracy was that my situation and baby’s condition turned upside down all of a sudden.

I was prepped for C-Section and as if all the papers were ready before I gave my consent. In a hurry I was asked to sign the consent paper and there I was lying in the OT helpless, numb and having my baby by C-Section.

Finally, she was born, she was healthy and there were no signs of distress in her. I heard her first cry. I was sadder than any thing on that day, which was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I felt as if I will never be the same person with the same body again, which I still think.

I do not know in old days and in India even today, how babies are born naturally. Here women are hooked up with so many monitors and that leads to C-section instead of a pure natural birth. One medical intervention leads to another and finally lands to a C-Section.

Nevertheless, this whole procedure showed a new person to me in my husband. He was always by my side when I was in pain, ignoring his own comfort altogether. He took care of me as a devoted nurse; cleaning my dirt without any hesitation. When I was in silent tears, he gently kept wiping them. When I was melting in my own misery, he was there to support me in every way.Isn't he great and loving .(and he is mine :D)

Without going into much detail, I expressed my grief which gives me a mental satisfaction (kind of).My whole birth experience was devastating and I do not know how long it will take me to recover from that. Now I have lost faith in taking care of myself, my body, exercise, good diet and many such things. The only thing I care about is my baby, who when smiles makes me forget all the miseries I went through.