My Views and Ideas !

Girls and Drinking - Why NOT to drink !

2011-10-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

Many people had difficulty in accepting my views about problem with girls to drink. I have not one but several reasons for that and for me each one is equally important. I am not against drinking culture but in my mind there should be a well-defined boundary when to stop, and your body tolerance .I am not against European or American drinking culture, however I think drinking should be under certain limit. Perhaps in following that belief I do not understand why anyone will want the pubs to remain open after midnight. For me this attitude is not conducive to our personal developmental environment, work environment and eventually not at all for certain health issues.

However, above every thing I am totally against girls drinking so often and as a way of socializing .I am not a misogynist, I believe in gender equality but just by indulging in certain activities do not make one gender better or equal to the other gender. I do not believe in the rubbish thought of men and women being equal. Of course, men and women are not equal at least physically. Men and women have different hard wiring and no woman can fight that. I also disagree with the taboo, that whenever there is any talk of "values", it is women's behavior, their dress, their attitude that comes into question. Still there are certain facts, which do not allow women to do what a man can do. I do not think that drinking is a good way to prove gender equality. Nevertheless, not getting into details, which are already known, I would like to share my viewpoints as why I do not want girls to drink. My discrimination is based upon certain facts, which is not deniable.

1)    Drinking alcohol has the potential to lose control and make bad choices. Girls can get into doing some thing, which can be regretful later.

2)    Drinking alcohol to fit in with friends (male or female) and succumbing to peer pressure can be deleterious to health.

3)    More compelling reason to me is that medical findings eliminate girls from drinking even before they are born. If a woman had plans to become a mother one day, for the sake of her unborn child she should keep her self away from drinking at least till child-rearing age. I would not like to get into medical details here.

 However, a woman who is beyond all the restriction, all the abuses and never wants to bring her own child on this earth are free to do what ever they like.

 I have no double standards here. Societal values and morality should apply to everyone, men and women. Moreover, they must extend beyond the way people dress or behave to a whole gamut of other issues and attitudes. Not only drinking, but any thing, which can tint our moral values, I am against that. Drinking culture is not a heinous crime for me, but apparently cannot be overindulged. Certain limitations should be applied.  

So sensitive!

2011-10-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog which mentioned how rhymes are linked to some kind of ancient stories , torturous activities by kings,spread of epidemic etc.She also mentioned how after knowing that "ring- a- ring a roses" is about a song which is about the spread of plague in which people got red rashes ,and the sentence "all fall down" means all the people died with those rashes.

I learnt the link to this story with the song around 3 years back when my daughter got the rashes for the first time which later we found out that it is atopic eczema.

After that till now, I have never let her sing this song even after my second daughter is now 1 year old.I always fear that if she sings this song she will face the same consequences as those people faced upon which this rhyme is written.My daughter always insists upon singing this song making a circle with me and her sister,but I always refuse.I could never explain to her the reason,perhaps she will understand this sentiment once she will become a mother her self on day .

Can Crying ever be cute?

2009-12-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

My daughter is going through terrible two's right now.Wow ! never heard of this term when I was in India and saw so many kids born in my own close family and going through the same age.

I have no idea what goes into the brains of toddlers of this age that they are always at the verge of severe melt down and nothing you can do at that time to mollify them.They just decide to cry and cry and yes keep crying.
Anytime I say "no" to some thing I am prepared to get the shrill crying for at least 15-20 minutes.This becomes even more horrific at night when I cant apply the policy of "cry-it-out".

Oh My God ,I am going through that terrible situation right now.It is as if she disagrees with every thing and anything I say or ask her to do.Seems like she disagrees with her self too at times.Now there are thing she can do on her own and there are things which she cant do.Her problem is she has got a very independent mind(that is good to some extent) and wants to do every thing on her own,for example make oatmeal for her self "on her own".There are several such things which I dont even have the list for.Of course I will say no to those risky things and there she goes again .

One of the major reasons of meltdowns is putting her in the car seat.She wants to sit like mommy and daddy.Now here we have to be very stiff and forcefully put her in the car seat even if she does not want to.This has become so annoying that we avoid going out to places unless necessary.
All these so called "terrible two's" got me to thinking why is this concept not so well know in India.I came up with few logic of my own.Firstly there are so many people ,family , friends and kids around that children get distracted easily from their own tantrums and secondly there are several less reasons to give them the chance of crying.There is no theory of child cars seat so from the very beginning they know that they have to sit on elders lap.Their mental frame is set up like that.Here once they get their own toddler's seat now they want more than that.It is like offer some one to sit on the floor and after some time the person becomes so rightful that asks for the chair to sit even though he is not allowed to do so.

I am trying to keep my composer and tackling the situation as calmly as I can but I need to vent this some where.

Sandesh

2009-12-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

Never in my life had I thought that I would ever love cooking. Yes before getting married I would cook things every once in a while just to flaunt my cooking skills (which I guess is ingrained in my genes ha ha: D).

Over this weekend, here is what I made, and it turned out to be an absolute hit. Since early childhood, I happened to live with lots of Bengali friends and families and their sweets are well known all over India. Sweet, simple, elegant and delectably pure sweets. One of them is “Sandesh” or “Sondesh”.I remember my father bringing packets of these sweets and they would disappear overnight .However I never got to eat more than 2-3 being the youngest sibling and smallest tummy. Without going any further, I would love to share this recipe with all the sweet lovers who have the real taste for just simple milk based non-complex sweet.

Here’s what you are going to need:-

Milk – 8 cups

Lemon juice - 4-5 tablespoons

Saffron

Sugar -1/2 cup

Cardamom powder- 1 teaspoon

As simple as this.

1)Bring milk to a boil and spoil it using the lemon juice.Once the milk is curdled do not over cook to avoid making a tough kind of "cheena" or cheese.Once the milk is curdled drain out all the water using a cheese cloth.Run cold water to stop further cooking and to also remove the taste of the lime juice.Squeeze out all the water as much as you can with your hand.No need to use the heavy pressure to extract excess water .The drained cheese should feel very soft in texture.

2)Now mix the cheese with your hand and bring it to even smoother texture .A good exercise for your arms and hands.It Should look just like the log below.

3)Now add 1/2 cup of sugar and cardamom powder and mix some more gently.No need to be vigorous this time.Just mix to bring cheese and sugar together.

4)Heat up a non stick skillet and on medium high heat drop your cheese and sugar mixture in it.Keep stirring constantly.

5)After 2-3 minutes your will see that mixture has started melting .This is because of the water released from the sugar in the cheese.Keep stirring constantly as even a blink of an eye can stick the cheese into the pan and cause the color change which would not look appealing to the eyes at all.
6)It takes around 7-8 minutes to dry up the sugar water and you will see the cheese mixture coming out like a dough while still looking a little sticky.Please resist the urge of cooking more to make it absolutely dry.This is the very crucial point where if you over cook the cheese mixture will become crumbly.This sweet is supposed to have a little raw earthy tasting cheese.
7) Put the mixture back on the wooden board and use your muscle power one more time(Dont worry not much this time and this will be it :) ) .Bring the mixture into a smooth consistency.You will see that the dough will start leaving the surface of the wooden board and your hands will become very oily.That is because the dough will start oozing oil once achieving the right texture.
8)Just like the picture below.
8)Now divide the dough into 24 parts just like below.
9)Using the pressure of your both palms press and form the ball at the same time.Once you see that the balls are smooth without much frays ,press a little with your palms to give it a flat look.Give your thumb impression in the middle.
10)Stick some saffron strands in the middle to give the real look of a real Sandesh.And here you have it.
There are few tips which I think are important in making this sweet:-

1)Always use wooden board to mix the dough as the wood brings the right consistency in any milk and oil based sweet.This I learnt from my teacher who always said that wood soaks up the extra oil and gives the product the right texture.
2)Do not over cook.
3)Using home made cheese gives the real authentic taste and smoothness to these sandesh.

I can not tell about you but for me I have the real taste tester at home all the time standing just behind me so that I can finish cooking and give her some to taste.She can sense when I am cooking ordinary chapati-sabjee and when some thing special.That is the time when she dosent even like to watch her favorite program "Barni".She will keep standing with both her hands spread and a shuttle twinkle in her eyes telling me "mommy your dish is not successful until I approve it".
11)She eats and gives me an honest smile of approval which tells me that she liked it and I feel all the work I have done to cook some thing nice was worth it.
This post is my contribution to JFI - Saffron event hosted by DK.

My 11 month old Baby

2008-10-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

Earlier I used to write about my daughter’s monthly progress. Recently I have noticed that I have stopped that either because she is growing up very fast and her progress in so overwhelming that I do not know from where to start, what to write and what not to write . Her every single activity makes me astonished and leaves me mesmerized.

In short, I am trying to put down her progress.

She is very active and full of energy. She is always in a blur of movement. One moment she wants to sit with us and the next moment she wants to play on the floor. Recently she has learnt to smile a lot and would always keep dazzling every one with her cute smile. The other week we went to the doctor’s office and for the first time she responded to the doctor’s hello. She smiled back and made me extremely happy. Her curiosity has no end at all. She wants to touch anything and every thing.

These days like a mouth purifier she always has to have some thing in her mouth. I keep giving her pieces of apple to chew upon, so that her mouth would not be empty. If any time it is empty, she picks up any thing (most of the time dirty things) and starts chewing. Out of habit, I keep asking her all the time to open her mouth so that I can check if she is eating anything dirty. She has found out that trick and every now and then, she will come to me and even without asking she will open her tiny mouth saying “AHH-AHH”. However if she is chewing unwanted thing she will make me run around her and hide from me and wont open her mouth easily. I cannot describe that fight between daughter and mother; you will have to see it to believe it.

Her vocabulary is increasing every day.It has around 10 -20 words. Like mama,dada, tadan,kagan atta-ta, baka-baka,aga-aga etc-etc. Some times she want me to hold her and if I am in the middle of some thing I keep consoling her saying “I am done” and that I will soon come and pick her up .So she also says “I ang done” of course with lots of drag. Whenever we go to a store, she starts babbling and my husband is totally against shutting her up. So if she is with her daddy and I am in a far away aisle it is never difficult for me to find them, I just have to follow her “ tadan-tadan”.God know what that means. We are yet to decipher “tadan-tadan” and all the words she speaks.

Today I was getting bored so I thought we would play hide-and-seek. I asked her to hide at the corner of the table and I pretended to seek her. Now teaching her this game has become a big headache for me. Since then she wants to hide all the time near that corner and wants me to seek her. Whenever she is not around me for some time, I immediately realize that she must be hiding there and not to my surprise, she will be there. So now, baby has learnt how to play hide-and-seek (yay!!!)

She can now point out some of her body parts like head,tummy,hand,nose .She can clap her hands, pat her head ,rub her tummy and tap her knees when asked .I am so proud of her. Babies at this age just begin to point out things but this baby is one step ahead.

She rotates her wrist to say “ta-ta” to her daddy. In fact as soon as I will take her out of the door she starts rotating her wrist to say ta-ta.So I am not sure if she is connecting departure with “ta-ta” or she is just being a parrot. When I ask her to call daddy she takes her hand to her ears and pretend as if she is saying hello and calling daddy. She looks adorable at that time.

She points out where milk comes from and that always breaks me into a big laughter. At night when she gets hungry, she just screams, lifts my shirt until I feed her. Later she buries her head in my shoulder and then calms down.

I am writing this specially because when, a few years down the line, she will be ashamed to be seen with me in public, I can read this and comfort myself with the memory that there were such times too!

When did you feel more freedom?

2008-10-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

A person like me will always have a very hard time to live the life without feeling restricted. Some times, it is better to open up, put your heart on the table, and put your priorities first. The outcome may not be pleasant all the time but at least you will not loose your identity as an independent person. However, independence depends on several other factors like financial freedom, your confidence level, the responsibilities you have and most importantly how you choose to pursue those responsibilities.

When I was in college, I would hear from people that women are never self-dependent and at that time, it did not make any sense to me. I always thought that after finishing college I will have an independent life of my own in which I will do whatever I want. I was always very confident to get a decent job, have financial freedom and live my life .Unfortunately that did not happen. As soon as I got married, things just changed. I left India and that changed almost every thing. Firstly, the legalities did not let me work and then along with that I developed so low confidence inside me that now I think I am capable of nothing. People will say that I am just making excuses not to work hard enough and indulging myself in self-pity but in my heart, I know that is not true.

Simple things make me feel that I am just not fit for any thing. For example, the thought has been injected inside me so many times that I cannot even learn how to drive a car that now I am scared to death to even touch the steering wheel of the car. In the U.S. if you cant drive a car ,specially in a city like I live in, half of the freedom is gone just there .Since you cant go any where ,unless public transportation is good, your desires and demands are all suppressed. If you do not have some self-respect and if you do not mind bugging people it is fine.

Diminishing confidence depends on how much faith your loved ones have in you.Some things are not spoken or said ,they are just understood. If you feel that people think you are stupid, it is natural to develop low confidence and that takes away all the freedom from your life in one way or the other. Just the thought of being worthless ruins the whole life on the other hand just the thought of being worth full brings glimmer of hope and happiness in life

Life Security!

2008-09-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

People want to get a job to achieve financial independence and at the same time also security for the future.People should think more about the future than the current age as according to me old age is more important and miserable in several respect.People need more help and that requires more money.When you are young body can take all kinds of hardship,but as body ages it needs more pampering.

Therefore one of the important economical planing should be to calculate enough saving to live a carefree life once you retire.This is a safe strategy to keep in mind.The maximum age at which you retire is 65 and most likely your life expectancy will be 80-85 considering the fact that you live in the U.S and have better medical care .

All the above is right.However you cant get a sleepless night just because you think that you have saved enough money to live carefree after retirement.The value of money is going to keep decreasing day by day.The very well known fact of "Inflation" is mind wrenching.The amount of money which you think will be enough after your retirement now wont be enough 20 years from now.Even if you buy the same things your estimated savings done at the age of 65 wont be enough at the age of 80 .With the increasing oil and food prices ,your estimated savings will just be blown away in few years.

Isn't this spooky.Life will already be hard because of aging and God forbid if you get any kind of major illness then all the saving for the retirement will be gone before we even relize.

Show the right direction Doctor!

2008-09-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

I often listen to a talk radio program which is based on health and health problems.The host is a board certified chiropractor and also a nutritionist.Every morning starts at 8:00am for 4 hours.Since it is only on Saturday I listen to it very leisurely,listening along with finishing my morning chores.

First few times I listened to it because I thought it could be informative.Now I listen to it to make fun and just have some entertainment.What makes me laugh a lot is the way the doctor(the host) promotes the supplements and dietary formulas.Americans are already addicted to medicines and supplements and if they do follow this doctor's suggestions then people would become like a walking pharmacy.For every thing and any health problem this doctor asks to take some kind of vitamin supplement.For a change some times he also asks to eat certain vegetable but that is very rare.

His talk show makes me think that how perverted the medical profession has become where doctors are just to earn money by promoting the pharmaceutical companies and medical stores.It is a travesty and that should be stopped.He asks to take those vitamin supplements which you can get by eating the proper food source.Even a novice knows that under normal condition body can absorb vitamin and mineral from food sources better than supplements.

According to my mind he is making mockery of himself .I dont know how many people follow his suggestion but there are certainly people who are following his suggestion because he gets callers every once in a while.
Today he moved one step further,he was suggesting parents to give their kids a kind of daily supplement .According to him since kids do not like to eat vegetables ,so to provide them enough vitamin parents should give this supplement.That was too much for me to digest so I turned off the radio and looked at my daughter ,thinking what supplement should I start giving her !

My Choice!

2008-09-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

Life is never what you have thought for your self.At least for me.In some sense it is better than what I thought and in some sense worse than I thought it would be.Most part of my life is very pedestrian.I have a fixed routine for every thing.Read the news papers,read books,learn new words etc-etc which at times becomes very pedantic .The only excitement in my life is my daughter.

I feel the ineffable joy and happiness when I see my daughter walking,making baby noises and roaming around the house .At the same time ,I also think about my parents especially my mother who must have done nothing less for me than what I am doing for my daughter right now .After becoming a mother myself ,I understand the emotions very well which was just hidden inside me for a long time.2-3 days back my mother was very ill,she was almost at the verge of crying when I talked to her.Even though she knew that I wont be able to do anything for her still she could not stop herself from telling me every thing.I felt helpless and the first thing came to my mind was that will my daughter also be in the same situation one day .I become very pensive when ever I think about my mother who loves me with all her heart.

I feel I have too much dependency, both emotional and financial .I have very few of my own likes and dislikes .I am enjoying all the colors of motherhood but I do not wish for this kind of life for my daughter.I want her to be independent both financially and most importantly emotionally.Caring for every one else is good but not at the cost of giving yourself pain and anguish and making just every one else happy.

There are several emotional,physical and mental requirements.There should be some kind of rule to prioritize them.Need to decide which emotions,you are going to let fall by the way side and which ones you are going to embrace.That way life will become easier and less painful.

Mental Anguish!

2008-09-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

There was time when I was so much into genetic studies ,scientific researches and current news.It has always been very amazing to me as how genetics plays such a big role in peoples life and social well being.You are most of it what your parents and ancestors are , not only with respect to anatomical makeup but also from the physical appearance point of view.

Ironically few medical problems existed in my family too ,however not in any of my immediate family member . Fortunately so far I dont seem to have inherited any of them and am very thankful to God for that.My maternal grandfather had high blood pressure and my aunt has eczema.As I grew up I was very sure that at some point I will get eczema but thankfully it never bothered me so far.When my daughter was born she was as pure,smooth and creamy as butter.There was not a hint of flaw in her skin.After about one month she got few rashes and I thought it is just minor baby rash.I started keeping her cleaner than ever and that happened to aggravate her problem even more.Later it started getting worse and giving her too much trouble.Doctors say that she has baby eczema.My husband has very mild form of eczema. Apparently my daughter got double dose of eczema one from my family side and one from her father.

So far I have managed to control it by restricting diet and full bodied cloth.She is still breastfeeding so I dont know if she is allergic to some thing I eat because her menu has very few items and that too consists of no item which can be considered allergic.Now my menu has so wide selection of foods that I dont know to which food she is allergic to.

If you go to the doctors for skin problem they prescribe steroid based cream which will definitely cure the skin problem temporarily and cause several side effects.Therefore not a smart idea to follow.
This problem is causing me a lot of mental pain.This thought has occupied my brain so severely that when ever I sit on the net for any work ,after 10-20 minutes I find myself reading stories ,cures and causes of eczema.It is taking too much of my time giving no result so far.This is the most frustrating physical problem I have ever encountered in my life.Even though right now my daughter's problem is very minor and I am able to control it .But when I think about her future I get worried as she will have to through hardships.Doctors say that most of the time approaching age 2 ,babies outgrow this problem.Now that is my only hope .

I wish one day I will see her as clean and buttery as when she was born.

Memory refreshed!

2008-01-30T22:05:00.000-08:00

People say that your likes and dislikes change with age and time. May be some of them are so close to your heart that they never change. One of the likes or you can say a dream of mine to carry my baby on my back never changed.

I know it sounds ridiculous but this is true. I remember when I was a teenager, a tribal woman used to come to our house to help my mother in household work. She had a daughter, which she would tie on her back and do all the work. She would come once in the morning and again in the evening. I would wait for her to come in the evening, so that I can play with her daughter and tie her on my back as her mother did. In the morning, I would easily miss the school and play with her. But I knew that is not going to happen so I never insisted.

In the evening, I would force that tribal woman to tie her daughter on my back the way she ties her daughter on her back. She would tie her daughter on my back with a long cloth. At that time there was no fancy sling like these days in the U.S to carry babies on the back. Even if it was, that tribal woman was so poor that she could not afford it. More over slings are not so popular in India, at least in the city where I lived.

It gave me so much pleasure. I would play around, look at myself in the mirror and feel as if I have grown up so much to carry a tini-tiny baby all by my self. The funniest part was that I would insist my mother to give me some household work to do, so that I can do that work while she was still tied on my back. I would act just as her mother did.

Now that I am a mother myself of a tini-tiny baby, the first thing I did after delivery is that search for a suitable sling to carry my daughter. I have seen many women in the U.S carrying babies in a sling but in the front or on the hip, which I never liked. I wanted some thing comfortable and less strenuous on my back. Moreover, the front sling is not good for the baby either as they baby keeps hanging. While in the back sling, the baby can sit comfortably. However, it is just my choice and may be others may not agree with me.

To my utter happiness, I found one on Amazon and I immediately ordered it. I have not tied my daughter yet as she cant hold her head yet. I have to wait for one more month and then I am ready to go anywhere I want with my hands free, work at home. I do not know how I will feel, but for sure, it will remind me of my several childhood memories of .

It was so much fun!

2008-01-12T11:50:00.001-08:00

Looking at my daughter now, I remember my childhood, growing up in a small town. Things were so different than now. Now  a days kids do not get out of their house to play. Firstly, they are too hung up with their studies, homework and other school activities and secondly even if they have time they would rather play video games, watch T.V, or play with other gadgets. There is no physical activity at all.
 In the U.S, things are even worse. Here very rarely I see kids outside their houses. Some times, I wonder if kids live in the U.S. Nevertheless, I have decided that once when, my daughter grows up I will try to build a taste of physical activity and playing in her, if  I can.
 When I was growing up, we used to play so many outdoors games .Some were very strenuous and some of them were just leisurely but it had to be out side the home. There was one game called “haddi-dappa”.As the name (“haddi” means bones) is so was the game. You have to have a very strong bone to play. This game required at least 6 people to play. Starting with the lowest level, we had to increase the height to jump. Therefore, there were at least 8 to 9 levels of those heights. Two girls would hold a long rope at each end and thus keep increasing the height. After you are done with all the high jumps, you proceed with another level of the game, which was the most challenging part. Now the girls would increase the height with their hands, which sued to be very high. We had to jump over that hand without touching them. One round of game used to be for an hour just when the sun was about to set. Apparently, at the end of the game we would be extremely tired. We would feel that every joint in our bone got exercise and full of energy. Dinner after this game used to monstrous. No amount of food could satisfy our hunger and once in the bed to sleep nothing can wake us up until 6:00am in the morning.
 Some times when I think back, I feel that life used to be so good, so full of energy and enthusiasm. I still yearn for those moments’ .No worries, no tensions. I wish my daughter also had that kind of life. May be even better. I wish her all the pleasures of the life. Who know what will happen later.

How it all happened!

2007-12-18T22:45:00.000-08:00

The day I found out I was pregnant I took very good care of myself. I have always been very healthy and aware of all the do and don’ts during pregnancy. There was a time when I would think that while pregnant, a woman is supposed to lay on the bed all the time.Doing any work was far from my imagination. However when my own time came I realized that the theory was all rubbish unless of course in certain medical condition.

So long story short I kept exercising, eating what ever I wanted limiting some of the things that are prohibited during pregnancy. I was hyperactive active throughout the pregnancy. The day before Tutty-Fruty was born P(My husband) and I went for bowling.

When my bag of water broke in the midnight of 30^th November, went to the hospital with out any pain. I was started with gel. Unfortunately, I did not dilate as much as I was supposed to be and the doctor did not want to wait for long. Still I never in my dream thought that I would have to go under the knife. My doctor was a complete jerk and money minded. Even before few hours of starting of real labor, she started talking about C-Section, for which I kept strongly opposing. Later I do not know what the conspiracy was that my situation and baby’s condition turned upside down all of a sudden.

I was prepped for C-Section and as if all the papers were ready before I gave my consent. In a hurry I was asked to sign the consent paper and there I was lying in the OT helpless, numb and having my baby by C-Section.

Finally, she was born, she was healthy and there were no signs of distress in her. I heard her first cry. I was sadder than any thing on that day, which was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I felt as if I will never be the same person with the same body again, which I still think.

I do not know in old days and in India even today, how babies are born naturally. Here women are hooked up with so many monitors and that leads to C-section instead of a pure natural birth. One medical intervention leads to another and finally lands to a C-Section.

Nevertheless, this whole procedure showed a new person to me in my husband. He was always by my side when I was in pain, ignoring his own comfort altogether. He took care of me as a devoted nurse; cleaning my dirt without any hesitation. When I was in silent tears, he gently kept wiping them. When I was melting in my own misery, he was there to support me in every way.Isn't he great and loving .(and he is mine :D)

Without going into much detail, I expressed my grief which gives me a mental satisfaction (kind of).My whole birth experience was devastating and I do not know how long it will take me to recover from that. Now I have lost faith in taking care of myself, my body, exercise, good diet and many such things. The only thing I care about is my baby, who when smiles makes me forget all the miseries I went through.

I am back with double happiness!

2007-11-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

I am back again after a very long time of break. These days were some of the most important days of my life. I am so glad to write that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter on November 1^st.

Life is full of cheers and new experiences. However, I am still trying to recover from the blues of the birth experience, which I never hoped.Perhaps I was not prepared mentally for this kind of experience. The saying that “things stared well ends well too” did not apply for me. Nevertheless, I am glad that at least today, I am able to hold my lovely daughter in my arms.

Reading!

2007-09-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

Even to the scientist the complexity of reading seems to be a miracle. The act of learning to read actually changes our minds. Reading habits changes and carves our very brains. In addition, once we are rewired the possibilities of analysis, imaginations and adventures are enormous.
 This is what I have realized over few years. Along with that, I have also realized that in this digital age dominated by graphics, images and flying snippets of texts has changed our reading habits from books. We should try to trace the imprints of the effects of internet because of which our reading habit is perhaps slipping away from the culture and our routine.
Did you know that reading actually rewires our brain .when we hop into the U-Tube instead of a book are we loosing that brain wiring? By doing this are we loosing or are we adding the capacity to our brains?
 Although we were not born to, read but human being developed this habit over the years and since then have been doing so. This in turn expanded the way we think, increased our intellectual abilities. As a result, you can say that reading is the single most remarkable inventions in our history. The ability to record history is one of the consequences of learning to reading .Human brain’s extraordinary ability to make new connections among its existing structures, a process made possible by the brain’s ability to shape by experience. This plasticity at the heart of the brain’s design forms the basis of a much of who we are and who we might become.
 Reading is such a joyous habit that when you get a hold of an interesting book we have hard time putting that book down unless we finish it. Then why is that our generation is moving more and more away from the books and hooked up more with the Internet .E-books and Internet library is a very good thing but can never beat the real paper book. The joy of flipping pages with your fingertip can never compare with clicking the mouse to go to the next page.
 However, this can be true for me and some other people not for every one. Different strokes for different folks.

Arrange marriage versus love marriage

2007-08-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

I never thought on this topic before. When I got married, I had no idea of what marriage is, how people adjust to this relationship, what the downfalls are of arrange marriage and what is appreciating about love marriage. The only thing I knew was I would live with my parents forever. I was not ready to leave home and my mommy yet. However, in my heart I also knew I had to get married very soon looking at my cousins. That is Indian culture.

After I got married, my world was full of happiness, life and enthusiasm, which I never expected. I was expecting some one who would get up in the morning, wear a "loonge", read the newspaper with a cup of tea in the morning, and do puja for some time. When he is doing puja I am not supposed to disturb him, he would never go out to have fun, or have dinner or lunch outside. He would always be very serious etc etc.

On the contrary, when I got married things were just the opposite. My husband is more like a small kid than a grown up man. He has all those boyish qualities which I always dreamt to have in my life partner.We have all the fun in the world. He is full of life and enjoyment and my life is filled with all the beautiful colors of the world. Could not ask for any thing else.

However recently I was reading an article about life stories, which explains the facts about arrange marriage. In arrange marriage bride is to be picked more for the In-laws than the groom himself. Parents would never pick a girl for their sons who they think will not care of them, would be too modern to spend time with them. They would also try to pick a girl from the same culture, so that she girl would understand what is expected from her ,watching what her mother or sister in laws did. That means she is already aware of the fact that just as her brother’s wife takes care of her parents, she is also supposed to take care of her In-Laws. This mentality of picking up a bride for the son works out really well.

Where as all most all women will deny this fact, but this is as true as our body is made of muscles and bones. Ironically, if a woman accepts the fact, which proves that she is not the right pick for her husband but she is the right pick for her In-Laws, she will feel worthless for the husband. This is sad. Because all this time you have been thinking that you are the love of your husband who loves you for what you are. Of course, he loves you but not because he feels that you are the perfect fit for him, but because when two people live together they eventually start to love each other ignoring each other’s flaws. However, in your heart, you know that your In-Law picked you over other better girls because they thought you would be perfect for them. Now here In-Laws will not do complete injustice either, they will pick a decent girl so that their next generation would be better.

After reading this article my brain has become very restless. I always think if I am the right person for my husband, does he love me for what really I am.

This is just one side of the fact about arrange marriages. In some cases, you do not even know whether your husband was ready to marry at that time or he married just because of the parent’s pressure. Even in arrange marriages both bride and groom are excited for the unseen future coming ahead. What about that marriage in which the man is actually not ready to marry but he is marrying because his parents want him to marry for some reason. In that situation I am sure the girl will feel as if she is forcefully imposed on the husband.

All these thoughts are creating waves of emotions good and bad in my mind and it is getting hard for me to come out of that. I wonder if it is even possible to find out the answers for these questions. I do not know how much truth is behind all these explanation, but what ever it is I am sure not favorable for the bride.Arrange marriage is a compared with love marriage in different aspects but very rarely people would think about the emotional side of the bride on this issue.

The end of the private Life !

2007-08-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

Of all the revolution underway since the coming of the digital age and internet one of the most profound may be the revolution and transparency in private life. Today millions of people share their deepest feeling, their most embarrassing moments and every detail of their daily routine with any body, everybody on the earth who wants to the take time to read or watch.Good or bad or indifferent, this is different. This is the end of the private life as the new generation puts itself lock stock and barrel online. If you are a blogger or an online diarist, if you share your life most of it or bit of it ,you can easily imagine what I am trying to say. It seems like now private life has become old fashion.

Computer is pushed so much into our lives these days that we want to archive every bit of our life in to the hard drive. This can have major decline and fall effect on our private selves. This is an explosion in our private lives. Vast majority of the blog is of personal nature. Earlier what used to be locked away in the diary under the bed is now online for every one to read. What effect this will have on the psychic to expose your self or share your private life online. These private life stories become fodder for many people.

There is a huge range of these kinds of stories. Some people do this synonymously, some mix their opinions on public affairs with their personal revelation, some want to share every thing in their life who think that this is therapeutic for them or that could help others. People talk about the deads in their family, their insecurities, about their ambitions, romance and breakup.

It is good that our society is more open, people are less judgmental .Some what it is good that people don’t have as much shame about certain events and they are willing to open up and share but with the internet the change is tricky .Because when you are sitting near the computer late at night there is a sort of dis-inhibition effect and perhaps you don’t realize how much you are sharing .There is not another person there giving you the feedback or giving you the facial expressions that is so programmed to respond to. And this way you are just lost in your own head and you are revealing perhaps a little too much .In addition to that you are also not getting the direct feedback to help you process what you are going through .This then becomes like a strange theater where you are putting dramatic spin on your own life .

The social and psychological implications of this new change of transparency of our own lives are huge. Ironically, these days we have more privacy then we ever had in our lives . We do not live in houses where every one lives in one room, we can do more things without people knowing about them. The feature of emailing gives us more privacy to write any thing to anyone without anyone knowing about it. Therefore, there are more contradictory things going on .The sad part is what and how is this affecting your psychic.

The main danger is that you feel that you are processing some thing, which is helping you but may be you would be better served by having more of a one on one conversation and keeping some things to your own self. It is hard to say what is the loss of this though, because many people do get helped by these blogs when they read the similar experiences in the blogs. People get motivated by the similar kind of experience what they read in the blogs.

Some people blog about every thing with a very good reason and goal. They do that to record every thing happened in their lives, to retain every thing and most importantly, to retrieve every thing .It is a kind of surrogate memory, kind of virtual archival of self. For those people their whole life becomes a kind of home movie and they can turn back at any time and enjoy any time they want.

Will this change what we are? What is the biggest downside of all doing all these? Wouldn’t this exposure of our selves create problems in future?

Welcome Note!

2007-08-18T16:51:00.000-07:00

Last week went to do the first shopping for my baby. I was full of enthusiasm and more than that which was much unexpected; my husband was even more enthusiastic than I was. I was surprised at his involvement in picking up every item with so much refined taste and vigor. I am very well familiar with his refined tongue taste but this was completely a surprise to me.

I had a short list of things to buy. Being completely new in this area, I am ignorant about the necessary things to buy. All the baby items looked so pretty and cute that I could not resist buying what ever my eyes caught a hold on. Normally in our country, new parents do not do this shopping and let the elders do shopping. However, things have changed in recent scenario. It is not always the case that the garden where you were planted once, you will grow in the same garden. That means it is not sure that when you get pregnant your mother, your aunt, your mother in law, your sister will be with you. That is the irony of today’s world and I have already started to prepare myself for that situation.

Anyway, I have just stuffed one room with the things I already bought and waiting for some things. I cannot wait for the day when I will finish shopping, arrange every thing and give the room a finished look with a taste of decent parents to welcome my newborn.

My History of Sesame Seeds!

2007-08-12T23:03:00.001-07:00

I remember when I was at home, my mother used to make sesame bars or sesame balls all the time. Not only in the special festival but otherwise too.

The main reason behind starting to make that was health .My father was transferred to a place which had lots of cement factories .As a result problem of pollution was huge and people used to develop lung and breathing problems a lot. When My father was transferred to that place as a precaution doctor asked him to eat products made of jaggery.Now eating jaggery alone was a not an easy task ,so my mother came up with the idea of sesame balls or bars which were made of jaggery.

No matter what the reason was, we kids also had good time eating them even though we did not live in the cement factory place .My father lived there alone and would come on weekends. Unconsciously I also learn't making that.

Now I live in a place, which is so polluted that we do not get a chance to see the starts in the sky. Since Phoenix is a valley and thus surrounded by mountains, it is very hard for the polluted air to escape out. All the polluted air stays trapped in and the sky is not clear enough to let the stars visible to naked eyes. The saying that starts are countless is proved completely wrong with the stars in Phoenix sky. I was completely unaware of this fact until I visited Lowell Observatory. That tour was incredible .We not only got to see 100 year old telescope in a wooden dome which was used to discover the planet Pluto but we also found out some interesting facts .The tour guide said that the pollution level in Flagstaff which is just 2 hours drive from Phoenix is much lower than Phoenix. That was obvious when we saw the sky full of starts at night in Flagstaff and compared it with stars in Phoenix. I never saw that number of stars after I left India what I saw in Flagstaff.

Apparently, when I came back to Phoenix after Flagstaff trip, the first thing, which struck my mind, was to make that same old sesame balls and bars. Went to an Asian store and bought plenty of sesame seeds packets along with lots of jaggery.Now was the time of real experiment and test of my cooking skill, which I learnt unconsciously from my mother when I was a kid. I am glad that every thing went well, and the sweet came out good. Most importantly, my husband loved it and I felt my hard work was worth every thing.

Later I also found out that not only are sesame seeds very good source of manganese and copper, but they are also a good source of calcium, magnesium, iron, phosphorous, vitamin B1, zinc and dietary fiber. In addition to these important nutrients, sesame seeds contain two unique substances: sesamin and sesamolin. Both of these substances belong to a group of special beneficial fibers called lignans, and have been shown to have a cholesterol-lowering effect in humans, and to prevent high blood pressure and increase vitamin E supplies in animals. Sesamin has also been found to protect the liver from oxidative damage.

The only thing I wish is that, I could send few pieces to my mother to let her know how her skills became helpful to me and how proud she should be for me. I wish she could taste a piece of that sesame ball.

"Who Moved My Cheese"

2007-08-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

I just finished the book “Who moved my Cheese” by Spenser Johnson. This book was so riveting that I could not stop myself to write about it. I have read many inspirational books but this book seemed very realistic to me. It is a simple parable that reveals profound truths. It is an amusing and enlightening story of four characters that live in a “maze” and looking for “cheese” to nourish them and make them happy. Two are mice named Sniff and Scurry and two are “Little People”-being the size of mice that look and act like people. Their names are Hem and Haw.Sniff had the habit to sniff out the situation and see the changes early,Scurry liked to go into action immediately,Hem wanted to stay in familiar territory of misery and Haw was realistic to accept the change and find solution.

“Cheese” is a metaphor for what we want to have in life-whether it is a good job, of loving relationship, money, a possession or spiritual peace of mind. And the “maze” is where you look for what you want-the organization you work in, or the family or company you live in. In the story, the characters face with unexpected changes, which of course they did not like. Eventually one of them deals with the situation, comes out of it successfully, and shares his experiences with us.

The one important thing, which also confirmed my belief that we human beings think about many useless things that, is irrelevant most of the time. Like the mice in the story ,the two little people ,Hem and Haw ,also used their ability to think and learn from their past experiences .However ,they relied on their complex brains to develop more sophisticated methods of finding cheese. When we were kids, we did not have so complex brain and we were like monkeys.

Remember how we used to learn new words when we were kids? We would just listen to our elders and copy them shamelessly without thinking much, or for that reason for learning any thing new. We would just copy our elders or do what our elders say and learn it. We only knew that if we worked hard, repeat few times and we can learn. Without getting ashamed of as what others will think if, we say it wrong, we would just speak up, just say it and just do it.

However now that we have grown up and we want to learn any thing new, we try to think with our complex brain as how we can learn certain things in less time, we always try to find new tricks to learn instead of just get into the situation, work hard with it and find a solution. We do lots of planning before we try to solve the problem. Some times the tricks work but most of the time in hope of that trick or that easy way out, we get so much stuck in our problem that we never come out of that problem for the rest of our lives. Some times, we do well, but at other times, our powerful human beliefs and emotions take over and cloud the way we look at things. It makes life in Maze more complicated and challenging As a result, in the end we just give up or start to live miserably.

As we grow up, we become so sophisticated that we have hard time realizing our own fault. We always try to put the responsibility of failure on some one else and live in delusional life. Where as the right way is to realize and laugh at our stupidity. We will change as soon as we learn to laugh at our selves and what we have been doing wrong and then quickly move on.

The best clue I got from the story is that we do not try to change and we have to pay price for that. We feel entitled to our “Cheese”. We feel like victims when it is taken away and blame others.

A brand New start ---- Moving!

2007-07-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

Countless number of packed boxes ready to move !

I never knew moving can be so tedious. Last couple of weeks I have been busy in planning, packing, making to-do-list and crossing each item after finishing them. This to-do-list seemed an endless job. How busy I was, that you might have noticed by my sporadic posts these days.

Now the good news is that I have finally moved and now there is another endless to-do-list of unpacking. Choosing appropriate place for each item needs lots of planning and brooding. Every item has to be in the right place to look pretty and show your sense of taste .Not being an internal decorator, the process of setting each item at proper place took me several attempts and finally I found a sweet place for each item. However, this will keep going for a couple of few more weeks, of course at an easy pace.

However, the most surprising thing is that in this moving process, I discovered few brand new muscles in my body :)), which I thought never, existed. Such as ,I had no idea that my arms have so strong muscles, my body has so much endurance power of working like a labor for non stop 19 hours and above all I have so high metabolism and finally I have this huge appetite. This whole week I have been eating like a glutton. I work for two hours and then sit down, rest and eat, then start again and then again eat ------and that goes on and on and on----

The next thing that I discovered was some useful household items, which I had forgotten long, time back. Apparently, I had no idea that in these few years I have gathered so many things. I have kept not only useful items but also kept plenty of useless items too in a hope that I will need them in future. I realized that I have a problem in throwing away garbage and useless things. Because it is clear, that the things, which I did not use for years, I will never use them again. Perhaps I have become a garbage queen.

When I was in India, I grew up in the same house where I was born. When I would see tenants moving out or moving in I would envy them .In my mind they were having a great deal of fun by moving from one place to another. I would always fight with my mother for not moving to another house ever and have the same fun. Being stupid, enough never occurred to me that we live in our own house and that people have to go through lots of hassle in moving process. After this first experience, the scene of moving experience has become clear in my mind, which is no fun anymore.

As a result, I have made few resolutions. Primarily I am not going to buy any thing in this new apartment. Nonetheless, if I really have to buy ,then before doing that I will think at least several times as without that item I can survive or not. If I get a “no” answer, buying plan cancel. Secondly ,I will do clean up operation frequently to get rid of all the use less items .And lastly change my habit of being so fond of garbage .

I think for now this is enough and hopefully I will stick to my resolutions.

Now let me go and do some more unpacking.

Birthday cards!

2007-07-21T10:38:00.001-07:00

July 19^th was my birthday. My husband and I have our birthdays in the same month and that gives me a little bit of convenience because until my birthday the decoration will be still there which I did for my husband. In addition, the whole month I feel very festive.

Perhaps very different from the usual husbands mine is a little special. His ways of celebration are different and his way of wishing is different .He has no knowledge of how to show his emotions directly. However, his discrete way of showing emotions and love has made him so lovable to me .Some what both of us being of same nature type makes us a perfect couple. Nevertheless, I being a woman still have some of the womanly showoffs and etiquettes and that goes very well with our socialization and in maintaining our friend circle.

No matter how sober my husband is but every year he will buy me the prettiest boo key of flower and a lovely card. I have no idea how much time he spends but every time the card he gives me, catches my attention deep inside my heart. I feel as if the words printed in those cards are written specially for me. Other times I would read them, appreciate them and keep them as treasure. This time I was so intrigued by the words that I could not stop myself to elaborate on this topic.

Why is it that even though we know that these words are some one else’s words, printed by some one else, still every word gives us the feeling of closeness. Why does if feel that every word was picked by him/her and written with world’s love inside them. For a moment, why do we forget that he/she did not write those words for you? Why does all the word appear to pour all the love and so relevant to you and only you.

When I read these cards I never feel like if some one else would get this card from their loved one he/she can feel the same way. Rather than that, I feel that the printing press specially created this card and printed these words only for me .I feel complete ownership of every word written in those cards.

DO you all also feel the same I feel?

Girls and Drinking - Why NOT to drink !

2007-07-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

Many people had difficulty in accepting my views about problem with girls to drink in my previous post(Drinking culture). I have not one but several reasons for that and for me each one is equally important. I am not against drinking culture but in my mind there should be a well-defined boundary when to stop, and your body tolerance .I am not against European or American drinking culture, however I think drinking should be under certain limit. Perhaps in following that belief I do not understand why anyone will want the pubs to remain open after midnight. For me this attitude is not conducive to our personal developmental environment, work environment and eventually not at all for certain health issues.

However, above every thing I am totally against girls drinking so often and as a way of socializing .I am not a misogynist, I believe in gender equality but just by indulging in certain activities do not make one gender better or equal to the other gender. Apparently ,I do not believe in the thought of men and women not being equal. Of course, men and women are not equal at least physically. Men and women have different hard wiring and no woman can fight that.

At the same time ,I also disagree with the taboo, that whenever there is any talk of "values", it is women's behavior, their dress, their attitude that comes into question. Still there are certain facts, which do not allow women to do what a man can do. I do not think that drinking is a good way to prove gender equality. Nevertheless, not getting into details, which are already known, I would like to share my viewpoints as why I do not want girls to drink. My discrimination is based upon certain facts, which is not deniable.

1) Drinking alcohol has the potential to lose control and make bad choices. Girls can get into doing some thing, which can be regretful later.

2) Drinking alcohol to fit in with friends (male or female) and succumbing to peer pressure can be deleterious to health.

3) More compelling reason to me is that medical findings eliminate girls from drinking even before they are born. If a woman had plans to become a mother one day, for the sake of her unborn child she should keep her self away from drinking at least till child-rearing age. Drinking and smoking can cause serious birth defects in an unborn baby.I would not like to get into more medical details here.

However, a woman who is beyond all the physical restrictions, all the abuses and never wants to bring her own child on this earth are free to do what ever they like.

I have no double standards here. Societal values and morality should apply to everyone, men and women. Moreover, they must extend beyond the way people dress or behave to a whole gamut of other issues and attitudes. Not only drinking, but any thing, which can tint our moral values, I am against that. Drinking culture is not a heinous crime for me, but apparently cannot be overindulged. Certain limitations should be applied.

Drinking culture!

2007-07-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the BBC documentary on Exploring issues, which is affecting people around the globe. The issue was about alcohol abuse in Kenya, America and India. What triggered my thoughts when I listened to the young people, standing in the pubs drinking and talking to the correspondent in Bangalore?

There main viewpoint was, when there is accessibility, afford ability and availability why should not they indulge in drinking when the other developed countries like America and Europe are so famous for drinking culture. I was shocked to listen to the interviews of some of the folks out there in Bangalore. Obviously most of them were youngsters, and above 18 years old. Most of them were men but women of the same age group were not behind either. When these people were asked if they would like their parents to know about all these activities, all of them said that this is a tough question to answer. Therefore, inside they know that what they are doing is ethically wrong.

Without thinking about the social consequences these young people in Bangalore are slowly diverting toward the hip-hop culture of drinking, which breaks my heart.

Not only this, these people in Bangalore were very unsatisfied about the fact that the pub closes very early at 11:00pm, where as in America pubs are open even after midnight.

Most of these people are famously called “techies” who are employed in private computer companies and thus very well paid. They have surplus money to spend on drinking which is considered as a way of better socializing.

However this is not enough, girls are not behind either. They are equally involved in this special type of socialization, which ticks me off. Culture of any country is a different thing and I have always tried to embrace the best parts from every culture. I do not consider as India being very rich in culture and western countries not compatible to Indian culture. There are pros and cons in every culture. I find many things in the U.S culture, which I praise and appreciate to my heart extent. I wish we could at least save and protect some of the best part of our culture and not downpour to this extent, where you cannot face your parents for the activities you are indulged in. It pains me.

My sweetie's Birthday!

2007-07-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

July 2^nd was my sweetie’s Birthday. The most waited day of my whole year. He is more like a kid than a grown up man. So I also celebrate it with all my enthusiasm and make him feel as if he is a tiny little kid.

I decorated the house with balloons and colored paper. I also made his favorite sweet Gulabjamun and samosa as a savory item. In the beginning I thought I would just make rasgulla because that is the easiest thing to make.

He loves rasagulla.

The time he got up he warned me to be extra nice to him as today is his B’day. Here is our conversation on that day:-

"Listen Sweetheart today on your Birthday we will cut Gulab jamun instead of cake"

“Honey will you let me eat what I want today”

I said “sure sweet heart, what ever you want”

“Will you also let me eat as many samosas I want?”

“Yes of course”

“Will you give me 12 gulab jamun and 4 samosas”

“Yes I will”

“sweetie this way you will become very fat very soon”

"Who cares it is my Birthday today give me some freedom"

Then I thought it is his day lets make it like he wants. But poor kid could not finish the whole thing and gave up just after 5 gulab jamun and 4 samosas.

I gave him a Musical CD from “Frankie Lymon”.His eclectic hit songs are in there.Among which my husband’s favorite is “why do fools fall in love, why does rain drop from above”

This song is super phenomenal and can’t appreciate enough and can never get to listen to that enough. I suggest you all people who are musical fans, do buy that CD and listen to this song. This song in particular is very edifying and meaningful. You will love it.

All in all the day started good and ended well. That is what I wanted. Hope many more fantastic b’days to him.

A little break from emotional stuff!

2007-06-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Don't think that I have stopped blogging.Just taking a break for some time,from publishing my blog.I will be saving them as a draft for a while and will come again full fledged soon and publish them . I will be writing about my travel trips in the US and for sure my passion about "Food and Nutrition .Need to learn a lot in this field.In the mean time I will definitely keep track of you guys as how is every thing going on for you all.So keep blogging !

This is the real me!

2007-05-23T18:45:00.001-07:00

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