Arrange marriage versus love marriage

I never thought on this topic before. When I got married, I had no idea of what marriage is, how people adjust to this relationship, what the downfalls are of arrange marriage and what is appreciating about love marriage. The only thing I knew was I would live with my parents forever. I was not ready to leave home and my mommy yet. However, in my heart I also knew I had to get married very soon looking at my cousins. That is Indian culture.

After I got married, my world was full of happiness, life and enthusiasm, which I never expected. I was expecting some one who would get up in the morning, wear a "loonge", read the newspaper with a cup of tea in the morning, and do puja for some time. When he is doing puja I am not supposed to disturb him, he would never go out to have fun, or have dinner or lunch outside. He would always be very serious etc etc.

On the contrary, when I got married things were just the opposite. My husband is more like a small kid than a grown up man. He has all those boyish qualities which I always dreamt to have in my life partner.We have all the fun in the world. He is full of life and enjoyment and my life is filled with all the beautiful colors of the world. Could not ask for any thing else.

However recently I was reading an article about life stories, which explains the facts about arrange marriage. In arrange marriage bride is to be picked more for the In-laws than the groom himself. Parents would never pick a girl for their sons who they think will not care of them, would be too modern to spend time with them. They would also try to pick a girl from the same culture, so that she girl would understand what is expected from her ,watching what her mother or sister in laws did. That means she is already aware of the fact that just as her brother’s wife takes care of her parents, she is also supposed to take care of her In-Laws. This mentality of picking up a bride for the son works out really well.

Where as all most all women will deny this fact, but this is as true as our body is made of muscles and bones. Ironically, if a woman accepts the fact, which proves that she is not the right pick for her husband but she is the right pick for her In-Laws, she will feel worthless for the husband. This is sad. Because all this time you have been thinking that you are the love of your husband who loves you for what you are. Of course, he loves you but not because he feels that you are the perfect fit for him, but because when two people live together they eventually start to love each other ignoring each other’s flaws. However, in your heart, you know that your In-Law picked you over other better girls because they thought you would be perfect for them. Now here In-Laws will not do complete injustice either, they will pick a decent girl so that their next generation would be better.

After reading this article my brain has become very restless. I always think if I am the right person for my husband, does he love me for what really I am.

This is just one side of the fact about arrange marriages. In some cases, you do not even know whether your husband was ready to marry at that time or he married just because of the parent’s pressure. Even in arrange marriages both bride and groom are excited for the unseen future coming ahead. What about that marriage in which the man is actually not ready to marry but he is marrying because his parents want him to marry for some reason. In that situation I am sure the girl will feel as if she is forcefully imposed on the husband.

All these thoughts are creating waves of emotions good and bad in my mind and it is getting hard for me to come out of that. I wonder if it is even possible to find out the answers for these questions. I do not know how much truth is behind all these explanation, but what ever it is I am sure not favorable for the bride.Arrange marriage is a compared with love marriage in different aspects but very rarely people would think about the emotional side of the bride on this issue.