When did you feel more freedom?

A person like me will always have a very hard time to live the life without feeling restricted. Some times, it is better to open up, put your heart on the table, and put your priorities first. The outcome may not be pleasant all the time but at least you will not loose your identity as an independent person. However, independence depends on several other factors like financial freedom, your confidence level, the responsibilities you have and most importantly how you choose to pursue those responsibilities.

When I was in college, I would hear from people that women are never self-dependent and at that time, it did not make any sense to me. I always thought that after finishing college I will have an independent life of my own in which I will do whatever I want. I was always very confident to get a decent job, have financial freedom and live my life .Unfortunately that did not happen. As soon as I got married, things just changed. I left India and that changed almost every thing. Firstly, the legalities did not let me work and then along with that I developed so low confidence inside me that now I think I am capable of nothing. People will say that I am just making excuses not to work hard enough and indulging myself in self-pity but in my heart, I know that is not true.

Simple things make me feel that I am just not fit for any thing. For example, the thought has been injected inside me so many times that I cannot even learn how to drive a car that now I am scared to death to even touch the steering wheel of the car. In the U.S. if you cant drive a car ,specially in a city like I live in, half of the freedom is gone just there .Since you cant go any where ,unless public transportation is good, your desires and demands are all suppressed. If you do not have some self-respect and if you do not mind bugging people it is fine.

Diminishing confidence depends on how much faith your loved ones have in you.Some things are not spoken or said ,they are just understood. If you feel that people think you are stupid, it is natural to develop low confidence and that takes away all the freedom from your life in one way or the other. Just the thought of being worthless ruins the whole life on the other hand just the thought of being worth full brings glimmer of hope and happiness in life