Two Months of my Surgery!
Today it is the second month of my surgery.Physically I feel much better.Emotionally and mentally I feel broken.I feel I have no meaning to my life.My life was already worthless as I never felt appreciated for what I do.The moment I realize my kids do not need me any more I will have no purpose in my life.Everyone's life will keep going on as it is.
After the recent health problem I am always in fear that anything big can happen to me anytime.After a certain age women are already prone to get lots of hormonal problems and so will I.I am not being hypochondriac but the fear of being a burden on my husband makes me sick to my heart.I do not want to live for that day. I never felt I belong here .At times I feel so startled by the realization that how little attachment I have with everyone. The only person I feel the most attached with right now, is my youngest daughter.When ever I try to think of someone I can not live without , I can think of no one.I thought I will always feel connected to my parents at least,ironically that also has almost vanished now.I get scared sometimes as what is happening to me.What has changed in recent years, I can not pin point but with every passing year I feel more disconnected with everyone.I feel very cold emotionally.Everything feels very robotic and artificial to me.I force myself to like things but since it dosent come from inside my heart that liking peters out very quickly.
People say life is too short to think about so much.I say make it shorter ,at least for me.
After the recent health problem I am always in fear that anything big can happen to me anytime.After a certain age women are already prone to get lots of hormonal problems and so will I.I am not being hypochondriac but the fear of being a burden on my husband makes me sick to my heart.I do not want to live for that day. I never felt I belong here .At times I feel so startled by the realization that how little attachment I have with everyone. The only person I feel the most attached with right now, is my youngest daughter.When ever I try to think of someone I can not live without , I can think of no one.I thought I will always feel connected to my parents at least,ironically that also has almost vanished now.I get scared sometimes as what is happening to me.What has changed in recent years, I can not pin point but with every passing year I feel more disconnected with everyone.I feel very cold emotionally.Everything feels very robotic and artificial to me.I force myself to like things but since it dosent come from inside my heart that liking peters out very quickly.
People say life is too short to think about so much.I say make it shorter ,at least for me.
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