Father's Day!
If someone gives me a choice at this time and date of my life and ask me if I wanted to have children, I will flat out refuse to have children ever in my life.Not because I don't like children or I am a big hippie ,or that kind who thinks the world is going in the wrong direction and is not safe for a kid to grow up in this big bad world full of corruption ,pollution ,crime and what not.I love my children with all my hearts and I adore all kids.I think life without kids is not worth living.They are different shades of colors of my life.What would I do without them.
It is so confusing but I don't want to ever have children out of sheer love ,affection and fear of separation anxiety. Apparently everyone who is born will have to go through this one day ,some more some little.But everyone grieves when they separate from their parents.That separation can be because of physical distance or death of parents.
The phase of my life I am going through right now ,is so miserable for me.No matter how hard I try ,I am not able to get out of that anxiety and fear when my parents are no more. Tomorrow is father's day,and I was helping my girls make cards for their father and all of a sudden it dawned on me that my father is so old now ,where as once I was also like my kids, who never ever thought of separating from my father.But now look at me.Now I am in a different continent ,have been living away from him for long 13 years.He is old now,when I talk to him he looks so weak and fragile.It makes me sad when I think about him.
When I think about all these ,the only thought that comes to my mind is why was I born.If I was not born I didn't have to see this day .When I look at my kids I feel the same way for them.I feel that one day they will become big and have the same feeling looking at their old parents.I dont want them to go through the same pain and agony I am going through right now.
Not a single second passes by when I am not thinking about my old parents. My mind never runs out of the good memories I have with my parents. No matter how tedious task I am performing my parent's thoughts are constantly running in my head.
When I go outside and see old people, I try to find my father in every elderly looking man,I see my mom smiling at me every time I see an old lady.It makes me sad and happy at the same time.I am able to imagine spending time with my parents even in their absence, as if distance doesn't matter to me. However very soon I come out of this disillusion.
My elder daughter is not that emotional and I am very glad about it.She is very practical and thinks things in perspective and it gives me a kind of positive assurance that she wont be as miserable as I am today when I get old.
Another reason which gives me a little peace of mind is that hopefully she wont have as much time as I have in my hand to think about these worldly things. She will be busier with her life, her job, and so will have less time to think about these natural progressions of live which are inevitable.
It is so confusing but I don't want to ever have children out of sheer love ,affection and fear of separation anxiety. Apparently everyone who is born will have to go through this one day ,some more some little.But everyone grieves when they separate from their parents.That separation can be because of physical distance or death of parents.
The phase of my life I am going through right now ,is so miserable for me.No matter how hard I try ,I am not able to get out of that anxiety and fear when my parents are no more. Tomorrow is father's day,and I was helping my girls make cards for their father and all of a sudden it dawned on me that my father is so old now ,where as once I was also like my kids, who never ever thought of separating from my father.But now look at me.Now I am in a different continent ,have been living away from him for long 13 years.He is old now,when I talk to him he looks so weak and fragile.It makes me sad when I think about him.
When I think about all these ,the only thought that comes to my mind is why was I born.If I was not born I didn't have to see this day .When I look at my kids I feel the same way for them.I feel that one day they will become big and have the same feeling looking at their old parents.I dont want them to go through the same pain and agony I am going through right now.
Not a single second passes by when I am not thinking about my old parents. My mind never runs out of the good memories I have with my parents. No matter how tedious task I am performing my parent's thoughts are constantly running in my head.
When I go outside and see old people, I try to find my father in every elderly looking man,I see my mom smiling at me every time I see an old lady.It makes me sad and happy at the same time.I am able to imagine spending time with my parents even in their absence, as if distance doesn't matter to me. However very soon I come out of this disillusion.
My elder daughter is not that emotional and I am very glad about it.She is very practical and thinks things in perspective and it gives me a kind of positive assurance that she wont be as miserable as I am today when I get old.
Another reason which gives me a little peace of mind is that hopefully she wont have as much time as I have in my hand to think about these worldly things. She will be busier with her life, her job, and so will have less time to think about these natural progressions of live which are inevitable.
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