Dealing With Teen Sass Like a Boss (Samosas Optional)

I’m not here to tell you how to be a perfect parent. I’m a mom of two teenage daughters, and most days I’m just trying not to lose my mind—or my temper—while they perfect the art of eye-rolling. Parenting teens is like playing chess with someone who keeps flipping the board, and when you throw in that Indian parenting vibe—where respect is less a request and more a family heirloom—it’s a whole new level of chaos. So, how do I keep my girls from treating me like a doormat without turning into the nag I swore I’d never be? 

Actually most of the time I am not able to achieve that. They go far and beyond disrespecting me. But I don’t let myself feel hurt. Honestly sometimes I am able to overcome the feeling of being hurt and most of the time I’m not. I sulk in grief, anger, frustration and disappointment.

I was once a proud mother of two sweet little girls who used to fight over who would snuggle closer to me at bedtime. They thought I was the sun, moon, and the magical fairy who could find lost socks and mend broken hearts. Then came adolescence—and suddenly, I was the woman who "doesn’t get it," the eye-roll magnet, the outdated app in their ever-updating emotional software.

Sound familiar? I don’t know when the transition from Mumma —> Mom —> bro —> Girl! I told you! happened.

Welcome to the delightful, often disrespected world of parenting teens.

Let’s start with a short story.

The Day My Daughter Taught Me What I Already Knew

It was a regular Thursday. I was in the kitchen, multitasking like a boss—kneading dough, and talking to my brother in India, and mentally planning tomorrow’s school lunch box. My older daughter, 17, walked in and said, "Ma, why do you always overreact? You don’t understand anything."

A few years ago, this line would have sliced through my heart like a blunt knife through ripe mangoes. But that day, I didn’t flinch. I wiped my hands, looked at her, and calmly said, "Maybe. But give me the benefit of doubt. I’ve only raised you with my whole being for seventeen years—so I might know something, dear."

She paused. Then… silence. No eye roll. No scoff. Just a thoughtful glance and a quiet, “Fine.”

That, my dear readers, was a win. A subtle one, but a win nonetheless.

Here’s the Psychology Behind the Respect Equation

Children don’t respect you just because you gave birth to them. Harsh truth, I know.

Take the great Pack-The-Trash-Bag event. I was in the kitchen, rolling up chapatis for dinner, and I called out, “dear daughter, please pack the trash and put it outside, it’s trash pick up time!” 

My 17-year-old groaned like I’d asked her to scrub the Taj Mahal with a toothbrush. “Why me? Mom, you’re so annoying! I’m not a trash-dog,” she huffed. Ouch. My inner desi mom wanted to launch into a tirade about how I packed trash and also helped my mom roll chapati at her age while balancing school and a dozen cousins, but I bit my tongue.

Instead, I shrugged and said, “Cool, I’ll do it on my own.”

Five minutes later, she came into the kitchen and packed the trash and put it outside, muttering under her breath. I didn’t nag; I just let her ego do the heavy lifting. Sometimes respect isn’t about a showdown—it’s about knowing when to drop the mic and walk away.

Respect is earned daily—through consistency, vulnerability, and the occasional chappal-wielding humor (more on that later). When teens disrespect you, it’s often not about you. It’s about them: their confusion, hormones, anxiety about school, body image, or even just a bad day at school, too much homework or school work in general.

But how you respond to that disrespect defines the kind of relationship you build.

Let’s break it down.

I Have Stopped Trying to Be Liked—Instead Started Being Worth Admiring

Indian parents (especially mothers) often blur the line between love and martyrdom. We’ll sacrifice sleep, health, and self-worth just to hear, “Thanks, Ma.”

But here’s a better goal: Be the parent who doesn’t crumble when their worth is challenged.

When my older daughter told me once, “You never listen, you only listen to sister,” I didn’t go into my usual, “Do you know what I do for you?” monologue. Instead, I took a breath and said, “I listen to reasonable things, no matter if it’s you or your sister.” Her eyes softened. She talked. I listened. 

Teens are mirrors—sometimes cracked, but honest. Give them someone strong and emotionally intelligent to reflect.

I Try Not To Overreact, But I Don’t Under-React Either

There's an art to knowing when to speak up and when to sip your chai and let them sulk. Once, during a heated argument about social media screen time, my 17 year old daughter snapped, “You’re the only mom who doesn’t trust her kids! You never support me. You don’t let me drive. You don’t let me hang out with my friends.”

Old me would've launched into a lecture titled 'The Dangers of TikTok and Bad Company'. New me? I simply replied, “If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t bother having this conversation.”

Mic drop.

Respect isn’t about controlling behavior—it’s about controlling our own reaction so they trust us with theirs.

Build Boundaries Without Barricades

One of my favorite parenting phrases is, “I love you too much to let you treat me disrespectfully, because your disrespectful tone of voice and arguments won’t make me feel small. ” It sounds like love but it feels like steel. I will be present but I make myself unavailable for her.

If they yell, I walk away. If they lie, I confront them—not with rage, but with quiet disappointment and silence. Boundaries teach them that love isn’t free-for-all.

When I once refused to drive her to a far away place on the freeway for her internship training, she screamed, cried, and called me “controlling.” I stayed calm and replied, “This is not punishment. It’s accountability. Not driving on the freeway is my weakness and I won’t risk my life for anything.”

Today, she tells her friends, “My mom’s strict but fair. I trust her.”

I Celebrate Who I Am Outside of Being Their Mom

Want to be impossible to disrespect? Be someone who can tolerate any stormy condition, verbally or literally.

Don’t shrink your dreams to make space for theirs. Let them see you chase your goals, read books, attend classes, start a hobby, or simply enjoy solitude. When they see that you have a life—rich, layered, and meaningful—they’ll respect that you’re more than just their glorified snack machine mother, or a bathroom cleaner.

Every time I win a story writing contest, my children say, “You look happy, Ma.”

That’s the ultimate compliment.

Respect Is a Two-Way Street Paved With Love, Humor, and Grit

There’s no manual. No one-size-fits-all. But if you show up every day with empathy in one hand and integrity in the other, you will slowly, surely, become impossible to disrespect.

And when they do roll their eyes (because let’s be honest, they will)—just smile, and whisper to yourself:

“CEO of Respect. That’s me.”