The Laundry Dilemma: When Helping Becomes Enabling

 

I and most Parents these days often find themselves in a silent battle between love and discipline. They see their teenage children sprawled across the couch, eyes glued to the blue glow of their phones, thumbs scrolling at lightning speed, while a basket of dirty laundry sits untouched in the corner.

Take, for example, a mother who works a full-time job, cooks dinner, manages the household, and still finds herself washing her 17-year-old daughter’s clothes. Or consider a homemaker mother who is working around the clock at home from cooking, cleaning, picking up and dropping off children, grocery, doctor's appointments, clothes shopping, shoe shopping and myriads of things. It isn’t that the girl doesn’t know how to do laundry—she does. It isn’t that she lacks time—she spends hours on social media. And yet, the moment her mother reminds her about the laundry, the response is laced with indifference, irritation, or outright dismissal and disrespect.

“Why can’t you just do it?”
“Ugh, stop nagging.”
“You don’t even do that much around here.”

These are the words that sting more than the unwashed pile of clothes.

The Problem: When Help Turns into Servitude

At its core, doing a teenager’s laundry isn’t about the act itself—it’s about the message it sends. A 17-year-old is fully capable of handling basic responsibilities. When a parent steps in to do what their child refuses to do out of laziness or entitlement, it reinforces a dangerous mindset:

• Someone else will always clean up their mess.
• They don’t have to contribute to the household.
• Their convenience matters more than their parent’s exhaustion.

It isn’t about a mother being unwilling to help; it’s about a daughter who treats help as an expectation, a duty not a kindness.

The Wrong Perspective: “A Mother’s Duty”

Some argue that a mother’s love is unconditional, that doing these small tasks is just part of parenting. Isn’t it natural for a parent to want to ease their child’s burden?

No.

This isn’t about love. This is about responsibility. There’s a difference between helping and enabling. When a parent does everything, they’re not raising a capable adult; they’re creating dependency. They are encouraging the bad behavior in a grwon up child, giving power to a grown-up child to misbehave with you.

The Right Perspective: Raising an Independent Adult

The role of a parent isn’t to remove obstacles but to teach their child how to navigate them. That means setting boundaries. If a teenager has time to scroll through Instagram, they have time to toss their clothes in the washer. If they can argue about the unfairness of chores, they have the ability to take ownership of them.

Solutions: Setting Boundaries Without Guilt

1. Stop doing it. The laundry stays where it is until it’s done by the one responsible for it. No reminders, no nagging.
2. Natural consequences. If they have no clean clothes for school, that’s their problem. Wearing the same jeans twice won’t kill them.
3. Clear expectations. A conversation (not a lecture) about mutual respect and contribution is essential.
4. Self-awareness check. If a teenager talks to their mother like a maid, it’s time to address the behavior, not just the laundry.

The Hardest Lesson: Letting Them Fail

It’s easy to say, “Fine, let her do it herself,” but harder to watch them scramble at the last minute because they ignored the task. But that’s part of the learning process. A parent’s job isn’t to prevent all discomfort—it’s to prepare their child for a world that won’t do their laundry for them.

I go through this pattern at least one or twice every month. How about you? Do share your story(heartbreak) and give other mothers a hope that they are not alone in this journey called parenting.